Where in the world

For the last two, perhaps three years I've been lucky enough to experience some of the worlds most fabulous places. From watching Lady Liberty from the back of the Staten Island Ferry, having my hand kissed by a Centurian in the Collesseum, watching an incredible sunset on the middle of the Sahara Desert to swimming with dolphins in the Carribean sea, I've seen some things I wont forget in a hurry.
I love to travel. I know I'm one of billions to make that statement, but the different between myself and so many of those people is that what I mean by travel... doesnt mean sitting on some sun kissed beach tanning until im bronzed. No. By travel I mean experience. Obviously I will do all the things the tourists do, but I love nothing more than getting to grips with a culture I know nothing about, and emersing myself in different values and life experiences. If I'm paying good money to travel half way around the world, want to see it all, not just the inside of a hotel.
Learning new languages, tasting new foods, smelling new smells, seeing new things and doing something you would never normally do at home is what travelling is about.
It's completly acceptable to become a completly different person you leave your home country. In England I would never have the guts, let alone the opportunity to climb right up the middle of a waterfall, I would never learn to surf, I wouldn't be given the chance to swim with sharks. Yet as soon as you touch down in another country, everything, becomes an opportuinity. The world quite literally, becomes your oyster.
One of my personal favourite experiences was on my trip to Jamaica, less than a year ago. We were offered the chance to leave the Carribean beach and head inland up the mountains. And where did we end up? In no other than the final resting place of Reggae legend Bob Marley. We travelled to Nine Miles through hours of Jamacian Mountainside until we reached his former home and mausoleum. We were sang Bob's songs by men who knew him, got to play with his great grand children and ate jerk chicken from roadside huts. It was whilst making this trip that I realised how different Jamaica was from the coast to the mountains. Words dont do it justice, you would have to experience it to really understand what I mean. It's opportuinities like this that I count my blessings and thank God for.
There is so much in the world to do and I intend to do and see as much of it as I can.
So as I pack my suitcase ready for another trip, I wonder where in the world I can go thats even going to come close to last years adventure.

I Hope

> I hope to one day have the courage and strength to say 'I love you' to somebody other than my friends and relatives

> I hope that one day i can truly appreciate the small things life

> I hope to leave a significant mark on my chosen field

> I hope to revolutionize the thinking and thoughts of those around me

> I hope to stand true to my convictions and know I did the right thing

> I hope that you will understand all the words that we never spoke of

> I hope to live, laugh and love like no other

> I hope to Love the world, and everything it stands for

<< Untitled

If your born without wings
do everything you can to grow some - Coco Chanel

Blind Date

Riffling through some old diaries I was delighted (genuinely) when I came across one which detailed a certain blind date i attended just before the start of my university year. It highlighted the akward silences of all first dates, the 'will he kiss me' feeling at the end of the night, the who pays for the bill trouble, but what it told me, which I had forgotten, was that this was the only time in my life, that I had been given flowers. By a stranger no less.
As a writer I like to keep a note of everything that I know will make me laugh later in life. After reading this particular story back to myself, I ask myself the question, whatever happened to real dates? What happened to Flowers, and goodnight kisses on the door step? More importantly, what happened to romance?
Now clearly Im not here to talk about love, because frankly I have never been in love. I have never had the pleasure ( or the pain ) of that ' I cant live without you love' which I don't doubt to be the most incredible feeling in the world, but it just seems like there's such a lot to live through before prince charming comes along. Believe me, I have kissed many a frog( i use the word loosely), and I imagine, continuing to do so for the forseable future. I must admit I have been very lucky. These 'frogs' of mine, the ones that lasted longer than a quick kiss in the dark corner of a club, have all genuinely changed some part of my life in even the smallest way.
There was my childhood sweetheart A. For goodness knows how long we had that childish innocent relationship where holding hands would be enough to make us feel naughty. It's something that makes me smile when I look back at my childhood. After A came B. Coincidence completly. He was a real frog! Never treated me like I thought I should be. Always made me do the chasing/running/ anything else that needed to be done. But regardless of that towards the end of the relationship we ended up experiencing a tragedy we were both to young to understand. I learnt not to hate without understanding. And then, boy o boy there was T. Someone who I completely thought the world of. We spent some incredible times together, which I honestly wont ever forget. But the heartbreak ( its the only word that describes the feeling) that I felt when everything went wrong, saw me build up my walls which have yet to be broken down.
I am a girl of many mysteries, and my experiences have led me to chase for what I want ( him ) but to shield myself from hurt. But I'm 20 years old with only what I feel as one serious relationship under my belt, but through all the many people Ive had dates with, who promised to call or text, who had been romantically involved in my life nothing has made me feel as incredible as the moment my blind date pulled out those flowers and said I was the most beautiful girl in the room.
To me thats romance.
Sending a goodmorning text to the person you adore, sending roses, suprise visits, thats all romance.
It's all beautiful, and every body should be given the chance to experience it.

A Lost Love

It will be four years ago next month. They day the most beautiful boy in the world was taken from this life and passed into the next. The victim of a careless driver, who didn't think about the consequences when he got into his car that afternoon. A young man lost his life before it had begun.
Jay was a beautiful boy. So at ease with the world, so happy, and always there for the people who needed him. He had a best friend. And they were best friends in every sense of the word. Six months before he died he plucked up the courage to tell his friend that it was more than friendship he wanted from her. And who was she to say no? She absolutely adored him.
He would text her every morning, without fail, even if he was going to see her later. He wanted her to know that she was all she thought about. He was 17, she was 16. He was her first love. It was everything your first love should be.
Her world fell apart when she heard he wasn't coming back. Everything she thought she knew felt like a lie. You do what you have to do though. You have to get on with your life regardless of the pain.
Everyday that Jay wasn't with her she wished that she had told him how much she loved him. And not necessarily in love. But a love, their love, that only they had understood. It was unspoken, but understood. It taught her a lesson. It taught her to always, always be open to love. And if you want to be with somebody, tell them so. Dont let them pass you by because you were afraid. Because if Cee hadn't been afraid to express her feelings, Jay would have known the amount of love in her heart for him. He'll never be gone. Not in the way you understand gone.

Everybody experiences life in a way no other person can imagine. Emotions, Actions, Love, Experiences and Tragedies pass through your life uniquely. I thought it was about time that i shared a tragedy, although i hate to use that word, with you. Althought please dont any idea's about the people in this story.
Names have been changed to protect a few for reasons of my own.

If all else fails

There are two things in life that we can be certain about. At some point we all live, and we all die. It's the natural process of life, but it's what we do with those years of our life that are the most important.
Yet as we grow and progess through life, there are always obstacles and misunderstandings that deminishes the mark we try to leave on the world.
Religion can conquor but more often than not it usually divides. War destroyes friendship and love, leaving the world in conflict and hate.
Should it not be our goal to allow an Israli boy and a Palistine boy to walk arm in arm if they choose to?
It's often hard to see the world outside of the bubble that we live in. Yes we watch and listen to the TV, we read the newspapers, but do we really understand the emotional turmoil the world is in?
Why is we we cant see past whats happening in our lives. This week the biggest drama of my life seemed to be the fact that i had to pay £50 for a train ticket home. It's hardly worthy of the time I gave it.
I watched panorama one night, and I saw a six year old palestine girl describe the moment a bomb fell onto her house leaving her entire family minus one brother dead. She had even drawn a picture using red to illustrate the blood she saw. It was at that moment that my heart broke, and I understood the world we live in.
Slowly one by one, us priviledged people from the developed world will put our rose tinted glasses away and see the world as it truely is. And that is the day that the world will change and become a better place.

To Shop or not to shop?

I was asked a question the other day. A question that actually took me quite a long time to think about when the answer was staring me in the face the whole time.
What do you like to do? was the question. Now many people would say playing or writing music, or singing, dancing, but not me. No. My only answer was this- I like...no....I LOVE to shop. For me its not just a chance to purchase some new goods, but it something that makes me smile from the inside out, and makes me glow. If only to myself!

Anybody can say that they love shopping. Young,old,male,female everybody shops. It's a world wide phenomena that in some senses only us in privileged developed countries can experience.

For me shopping is this - The tingle that runs from your head to your toes when you see that perfect black strapless dress. The rush of blood to your head that leaves you feeling dizzy when you stumble upon the shoes you've been looking for all year. The butterflies in your stomach when you hand over your card to purchase your dream handbag. All those feelings are what I feel when im shopping. To anyone who knows me, they already realize I have a problem, and I see myself getting into a financial mess in my future over my little addiction.

Sifting through Vogue (my inspirational fashion bible) I've currently set my heart on the most incredible pair of Louboutin stiletto heels with their trademark red sole's, which I can only describe as perfection.

I can only dream. Whats a girl to do? With every possible corner I turn theirs something i want. Want being the most important word, I don't need these things, I want them. However I'm pretty sure that for the time being at least my measly student budget wont quite stretch to incredible buy's I'm destined for.

In the mean time, I'll bide my time until one day, everything I can ever dream of and more is mine.